I’ve always thought as myself as someone who can get along with just about anyone. Lots of things annoy me just like anyone else, but I’m pretty good at staying quiet and/or just letting it ride despite any misgivings I may have.

I’ve also always thought of myself as a decent singer. Not a good, or even great, one, but decent. This means I’m not tone deaf, I can sing along with stuff, and I can hear melodies in things. This all comes from feeling like I have a gift at music, in that I comprehend it most of the time, can create it, can play it, and can share it with someone else.

Unfortunately, being only a decent singer means not always getting along with someone else, no matter how good you think you are at either of those tasks.

When I sing, I hear myself. I hear this limited area around my ears where my voice has traveled. It gets loud. I can’t always hear other things well when I’m singing, including someone else’s voice. I’ve been told I try too hard a lot. This…never really does an adequate job of either stroking my ego or helping me improve at singing, which is not something I actively seek to improve, but would not mind being “better” at in order to add to my musical endeavors. Regardless, it’s frustrating to hear time and time again, mainly because I can’t hear the issue. Of course, I’ve recorded myself and can hear my weaknesses. But in real-time, I just hear my voice, doing a decent job of hitting notes and, sometimes, harmonizing with another. However, more often than not, it just becomes a burden for others, either practically or enjoyably. In the end, it’s usually easier for all parties involved if I just sing at a very low volume, like in my head.

Sigh. It sucks wanting to be good at something you’re not. It’s worse believing you’re better at something that you’re actually worse at than you think.