I’ve wanted to post about my diminishing value as both a systems administrator and web developer for a while now. My current job situation is not good and my prospects are currently nil. Weekly company meeting status reports range from “conflicted” to “bleak.” Today’s meeting was especially depressing. Still, even in a friends-only post, I don’t want to elaborate except to say that I’m scared.

I’ve been turned down or not even contacted for several positions applied to in the last 6 months (and, somewhat regrettably, I turned down one opportunity because it was too far away, available too soon, and most likely humbling). I feel like my skills as a sysadmin have atrophied over the past couple years due to disinterest, and my increasing interest in web development still feels sub-par when I really need it to be above-average to get a job doing it full-time at a competitive wage. Also, of course, my abilities as a composer continue to be unprofitable. I feel like a worthless slob who is living on borrowed time. With our rental lease coming up soon, being unemployed seems like it might hamper our lifestyle.

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Of course, I could continue to just wallow in self-pity and rue my unfortunate circumstances, or I could do something (more) about it. Right now, I’m going to wallow. Concurrently, I’m going to finish my lunch, help out a co-worker, and then go home and and jog 1.6 miles.

And tomorrow…tomorrow is another day to do something productive about it.